We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize