She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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