Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
