I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
