You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
