some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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