don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
he wants to bone in the snuggie
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
