I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
