I wish I could punch you in the face.
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
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