If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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