Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
