I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
