wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
