I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
