I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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