mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize