Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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