I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Randomize
