i just wanna soil my oats bro
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
