ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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