About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
