i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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