i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize
