it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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