Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize