"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
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