I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
