Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
