We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
