this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize