Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
