A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Randomize