omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
