My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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