I feel great
I just peed on a car
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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