Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
