there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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