Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize