he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
