I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
