alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
