I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
