Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
