mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
