You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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