Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
