I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
