haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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