You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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