I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
