Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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