have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
