this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
