just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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