remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
