New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
