cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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