If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
