So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
