How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
