I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
