Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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