I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
