I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
