Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
