and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
