Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I met the friendliest cop last night
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
