Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
