Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
